My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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