I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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