He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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