you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
