I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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