I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
