She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
