I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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