Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
