My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
