She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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