New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
