I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
