we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
