The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
