Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize