Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
