I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
