Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
