remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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