where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
