I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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