When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
