It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
