dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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