I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
