I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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