Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
