I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
