I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
