At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
