i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
