let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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