last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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