Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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