I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
