that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
