does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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