we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
