if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
