When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we're so committed to being not committed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize