Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
