Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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