period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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