I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
