how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
wow bdsm is so cute
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
