sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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