Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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