i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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