Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
