Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
