she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
