Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
