remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish you could order shots online.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
