Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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