You work out of a Hotel?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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