dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
