i may or may not be watching the land before time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
