guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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