what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Randomize
