You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
