i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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