She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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