I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
