Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
