i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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