Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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