it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
