I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
