Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
