Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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