I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
