My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
