is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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